Those Nights

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Twenty something years i have been striving hard to be somehow close to perfect, to be normal, to be okay. I always think of what could be the future awaits for me. I struggle to be in the standard scale of what and how am i supposed to be. Those things that can be learned from schools, society and culture (depends on what you believe in.) That is how life goes on. Everyday you fight on what you believe is right. Always sticking to the good things. Sometimes I wonder what could happen if one day i just decided to stop. Instead of growing, i stop pursuing on things i should have to do according to the norms that society has built, according to the laws, according to the rules. What if i just give up and suddenly don’t care at all? Would i really be happy or am i just looking for an excuse because i just realized that living and fighting alone scares me because of the uncertainty i have in my mind. Doubts that haunts me as i exhale the smoke from my cigar and as my hair blends with the wind. The night lights are the only thing that soothes and relaxes me. As the red wine runs in my throat, it becomes clearer to me that everything you do in this world is uncertain. The past that slowly fades in your memory, your current situation you have to deal with and the taste of excitement that the future brings. Nothing is certain.

You do actions as a reaction and that is it. So why waste your time stressing yourself about something you’re scared of? You don’t even know if what you’ve been thinking of for your whole life really exists. What’s important is enjoy what you have now because everything may be uncertain. But one is certain for sure, you own your own life and you are the captain of the ship. Don’t let it sink.

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